Yesterday during the dinner interval at the MCG we were entertained by Melburnian pop sensation G Flip. Today it was the turn of Loughborough-based English rap collective “O Flip”, who made multiple appearances throughout Day 2 of this Test match.

Danni Wyatt-Hodge drops a catch, and… O Flip!

Maia Bouchier drops a catch, and… O Flip!

Sophie Ecclestone drops a catch, and… O Flip!

Sophie Ecclestone drops another catch, and… would you believe it… it’s Deja O Flip all over again!

At one stage in the afternoon, after yet another fielding mishap, the TV cameras caught Heather Knight just shaking her head in disbelief and muttering to herself. I’m not sure exactly what she was muttering, but “O Flip” probably wasn’t too far from it.

England (170) v Australia (422-5) #Ashes 🏏

— CRICKETher (@crickether.com) 2025-01-31T11:01:46.245Z

Two dropped catches in particular cost England. Danni Wyatt-Hodge dropped Annabel Sutherland on 29, diving to her right. It was not an easy chance, but was one of those chances that you’ve got to take to compete at this level, and the kind of chance Australia have been holding on to all tour. Sutherland went on to score 163, with the cost to England 134 runs.

Then Sophie Ecclestone dropped Beth Mooney at slip on 11. Mooney finished the day on 98 not out, with the cost to England 87 runs… and counting! Ecclestone’s hopelessness at slip has been noted before – last summer TV replays showed that she appeared to close her eyes whilst shelling a pretty straightforward chance against Pakistan at Taunton. I don’t blame her for being ball-scared – I’d be absolutely terrified if that thing was coming at me at the better part of 70mph! But if you are going to field at slip in international cricket, that’s not acceptable; as even Heather Knight has now realised – moving Ecclestone away from slip after the second dolly-drop of the day.

It wasn’t just the dropped catches. Off the final ball of the 41st over, Annabel Sutherland pulled Sophie Ecclestone towards the deep midwicket boundary. Lauren Filer chased diligently after it, but everyone else just stood and watched, so when Filer pulled it back with a dive just inside the rope, there was no one to clean-up, and the Aussies were able to run a 3rd, turning two runs into three. Lazy was the only word for it – these players are paid hundreds of thousands of pounds a year to play for England. They can’t win every game or every series; but can they please at least try to look like they are trying?

The one exception was Tammy Beaumont, who gave it everything. She’s not a natural outfielder – she was originally a wicket-keeper, playing her first games for England behind the stumps – but she has worked incredibly hard to excel at this part of her game and I think genuinely acted as a bit of an inspiration, as England did improve later in the day by following her example. If England are going to seek a new captain from within the group, perhaps Beaumont has given them the answer here today?

But I digress…

The fact that England made enough fielding errors to fill a Sears Catalog shouldn’t detract from some wonderful performances by the Australians, in particular Annabel Sutherland, who played with class and confidence, becoming just the 3rd woman ever to score 150+ runs on two occasions, following her 210 against South Africa last summer. She looked nailed-on to go one further and become the first to score two double-hundreds, but tiredness got to her and she let one from Ryana MacDonald-Gay slide through her defences in the final session.

Sutherland played assertively but nonetheless patiently to take Australia past England’s total, in partnership with Alyssa Healy. Once Healy was dismissed, freeing Sutherland up to run the singles she clearly wanted to run but couldn’t risk with her one-legged captain at the other end, and Australia passed England’s 170, she began to open up and play some shots, allowing Australia to notch up over 350 runs in the day.

The only disappointment for the 11,000-strong crowd at the MCG was that they didn’t get to see Beth Mooney join Sutherland on the honours board this evening, as she finished unbeaten on 98. An extra incentive for them perhaps to come back tomorrow and in all likelihood see Australia put this game… and this series… out of its misery for England.

By Andy Frombolton

Dedicated Eurovision fans will, of course, recognise the opening lines of the UK’s second-placed 1977 entry which perfectly sum up England’s current WAshes predicament.

But should anyone really be surprised at how badly the team has performed? Prompted by an observation by Melissa Story on the Storylines podcast regarding the difference between most England players’ performances against Australia and their performances against all other teams, I decided to delve into the data.

The results make for grim reading.

There are just 2 instances where a player’s batting performance against Australia is superior to their performances against all other teams: Dunkley in T20s and NS-B in ODIs. At the other end of the scale, Jones’s averages are 50% worse in both short formats. (Bouchier has obviously had a very tough first WAshes tour, but I don’t think these figures reflect her potential.)

On the bowling front, only Capsey (in ODIs, and based on a small data set) improves her stats against Australia. But the absolute stand-out figures are Ecclestone’s. If Ecclestone is the #1 bowler in both T20 and ODI formats according to the ICC (and similarly Glenn is the #6 T20 bowler) this neatly illustrates Mark Twain’s observation that there are three types of lie: lies, damn lies and statistics.

Jon Lewis is copping a lot of flak for the team’s performance – although his hands are constrained, firstly, because he’s obliged to pick any team primarily from the centrally-contracted squad (otherwise why have they got contracts?) and, secondly, there aren’t many oven-ready replacements available.

We need to be honest. This cohort has repeatedly demonstrated the zenith of its capabilities i.e. it can beat most opposition (but, to honest, so could the top 3 regional/Tier 1 teams), but against Australia and in T20 and ODI World Cups (and the Commonwealth Games) they have repeatedly fallen short.

No one calling for Lewis to lose his job has explained how anyone else could extract better performances in these circumstances.

At some point soon, therefore, we need to move on from many of the current squad. But timing will always be an issue. Should it be now after the WAshes – with the (potentially-increased) risk of an early exit from this October’s World Cup? Or before the 2026 T20 World Cup (being held here in England). Because we haven’t prepared adequately for the next generation, what should have been a phased transition might need to be a cull. 

So, what’s the answer? For that, I’ll turn to the next two lines of the referenced Eurovision song: “Remedy? Why don’t we rub it out and start it again?”

In the business world when answers and solutions are hard to identify, a proven technique is to define the desired end state and then work backwards to the status quo. Applying this methodology…

1. The ECB announce the goal is to win the 2026 T20 World Cup in England. (Or Olympic Gold in 2028?)

Fans will accept hiccups along the way if they know what the goal is and understand why changes are being made.

2. The ECB should confirm its confidence in Jon Lewis as coach.  Much fun has been made of one poorly-phrased comment, but he’s a great coach, inspires loyalty and, frankly, has done well with the situation he inherited.

3. Identify the players to deliver this goal – and back them.

Not picking centrally-contracted players would obviously attract criticism, and the ECB should learn from this and reduce the number of central contracts awarded for the next few years. It would be better to award a small number of central contracts to a core of players with proven credentials, plus development contracts to a larger group.

We simply won’t win a World Cup until our fielding improves, and consequently (unless an individual is truly world class in one other discipline) they shouldn’t be picked unless their fielding meets international standards. (In domestic cricket, Katie George and Alice Monaghan routinely demonstrate what’s possible.)

Here’s my T20 team:

1. K Bryce (I’m assuming cash triumphs over loyalty to country) or Seren Smale (if not)
2. M Bouchier (captain)
3. D Perrin
4. B Heath (wk)
5. NS-B 
6. A Capsey (but only if she bowls more – if not, Wyatt-Hodge)
7. F Kemp 
8. D Gibson / C Dean (depends if wicket is turning)
9. R MacDonald-Gay
10. H Baker / D Gregory (whoever develops best in next season)
11. M Gaur / L Filer

Yes, I know I’ve omitted S Ecclestone. Firstly, I refer you back to her stats. In addition, her batting simply hasn’t developed and her fielding is poor (although she openly remonstrates with fielders who drop catches off her bowling). In the long term, there are other options who would have a more positive impact on team morale.

(I’ll propose my ODI team in my next article. But as a taster, it will feature several different personnel and a split captaincy.)

4. An A squad comprising these players needs to be established within the next few weeks, thereby these players know they are potentially seen as part of England’s future plans. 

5. Until we play slow/spin better we will never win consistently. This A squad therefore needs to go on a long tour to the Indian subcontinent / Sri Lanka this Spring (and next spring), and play tens of games against (men’s) teams. I know not everyone likes this idea, but realistically it is the only way to ensure high quality opposition. (You don’t improve by playing weaker teams.)

6. The A team should also play several games against visiting international opponents (also giving visitors the opportunity to test their fringe players).

7. AND finally, there needs to be a series of England vs England A games in the early season allowing the challengers to demonstrate why they should be picked for England and the incumbents to prove they deserve their places.

England’s batting misfired again as they were bowled out for 170 in the Women’s Ashes Test at the MCG. In reply, Australia reached 56-1 at the close, having seen-off the night-terrors of the pink ball under lights.

England (170) v Australia (56-1) #Ashes 🏏

— CRICKETher (@crickether.com) 2025-01-30T11:04:06.561Z

If Alyssa Healy’s plan upon winning the toss and inserting England was to force them to face a swinging pink ball in the final session, it didn’t quite work out as she’d have imagined. England were sufficiently abject as to be bowled out with more than 20 overs remaining in the day’s play; but the visitors could only take the one wicket before the close, as Georgia Voll edged a drive off Lauren Bell straight in the direction of Sophie Ecclestone at 1st slip.

There then followed a round of the classic “Fortunately/ Unfortunately” game for the Aussie debutante. Fortunately for Voll, Ecclestone is a terrible slip fielder so she seemed odds-on to survive; but unfortunately for Voll, Amy Jones stepped across to take the catch before it got to Ecclestone, and she had to depart with a slightly disappointing 12 to her name; though that 12 did include 2 boundaries – more than Tammy Beaumont, Maia Bouchier and Amy Jones put together.

Voll was replaced in the middle by Annabel Sutherland, who looked by far the most comfortable of the 14 batters who took to the crease at The ‘G today, striking four 4s in her 24 not out – the same number as Nat Sciver-Brunt had managed scoring her 51 for England. The pink ball has a reputation for being something between unpredictable and unplayable in men’s Tests under lights in Australia; but this obviously isn’t exactly the same ball, and it certainly wasn’t singing Land of Hope and Glory out there towards the close.

Having already decided to bring in Sophia Dunkley as an extra batter for this Test, England were left with one call to make in terms of selection: the off-spin of Charlie Dean or the seam of Ryana MacDonald-Gay? At about the same time as England were finalising that decision, the MCG’s curator (or ‘groundskeeper’ if you are English) was speaking at a dinner organised by the Melbourne Cricket Club to celebrate the first women’s Test here since 1949. He spilled a couple of interesting titbits: that they had left an extra 2mm of grass on the pitch, to help “protect” the pink ball; and that they had prepared a wicket which they hoped would offer something “interesting” for the spinners as the game progressed. So obviously England picked the seamer and left the spinner on the bench.

Then to prove the point, Alana King ploughed-up England’s middle order, taking the wickets of Nat Sciver-Brunt, Sophia Dunkley, Danni Wyatt-Hodge and Sophie Ecclestone. The narrative demanded that King take the final wicket she’d need to make it onto the honours board in the members stand here; but the narrative can’t always get what it wants, and despite King having opportunities when bowling at England’s tail, she was almost too good for them, as the ball spun past edges until a run out finally closed the innings.

None of England’s batters had looked especially comfortable out there. Heather Knight and Sophia Dunkley both showed glimpses of quality, but rather more glimpses of vulnerability, and both were dismissed in the 20s; as was Danni Wyatt-Hodge, who fell to a brilliant catch by Phoebe Litchfield at silly (or not so silly, it turned out) point. (Throughout, Australia set aggressive fields and fielded aggressively – part of the reason England found it so difficult to score boundaries.)

Nat Sciver-Brunt ground out her half-century, and was wheeled-out by England for the press, but seemed totally deflated. England haven’t lost this Test match yet – as West Indies men just showed against Pakistan, there’s almost always a way back, however improbable it seems. But England’s body-language says they don’t believe they can turn this around, so they probably can’t.

And this despite playing arguably against 10 women after Australia’s management succumbed to a very un-Australian degree of sentimentality and selected a clearly not 100% Alyssa Healy in their XI. Healy fielded almost the entire innings at 1st slip, presumably so she wouldn’t need to do any running, and she’ll bat hidden somewhere down the order. England could even find themselves literally playing against 10, if Ellyse Perry is unable to take to the park tomorrow, having injured her hip in the field – though the word is she’s likely to be ok.

But it really feels right now as if England would lose to Alana King if she just played them on her own. She’ll have another opportunity to get her name on that honours board this weekend, almost certainly the last chance of her career, and every Australian… and at least one Englishman… will be rooting for her to do it.

This week:

• England reach a new low – what’s gone wrong?
• Should Jon Lewis & Heather Knight be fired, & who might replace them?
• We get radical about how to fix the team culture

Yesterday evening, Raf and I sat across the table from Jon Lewis, in a conference room on the 15th floor of the team’s swanky 5-star hotel in the centre of Adelaide, and conducted a lengthy interview with the England Head Coach, which Raf afterwards wrote up for The Guardian.

Asked how close he thought his England side were to the Australians, Lewis answered: “I think we’re closer than 10-0.”

He then went on to insist that the team’s batting wasn’t the problem, reserving most of his criticism for the bowlers.

It makes you wonder if he has actually been watching the same series as the rest of us; because today’s outcome – a 72 run defeat, after having restricted Australia to their lowest total of the T20 series – somewhat suggests that they are not closer than 10-0, and that the batting is very much the problem.

Coming into this final T20, with the Ashes already gone, Lewis nevertheless said he would put out his strongest side. One change was enforced, with Lauren Bell – unavailable due to a migraine – replaced by Lauren Filer; but additionally England dropped Sarah Glenn and Maia Bouchier, bringing in Linsey Smith and Alice Capsey in their stead.

Glenn has been a strong performer for England over the past couple of years – she is currently placed 4th in the ICC rankings; and has been as high as 2nd – but the Aussies do seem to have worked out that if you play her with a straight bat (as Tahlia McGrath did in the last game) or get to the pitch of the ball (as Grace Harris was doing) you can take her for a lot of runs very quickly.

Bouchier has also had a tough tour, with 2 ducks and a highest score of 17 in the 2nd ODI, so that was probably a reasonable call as well.

Smith was straight into the action, taking the new ball as she has done for Vipers of late, bowling 2 overs in the powerplay for 11 runs without conceding a boundary. Given how hard bowling in the powerplay is to these Australians (ask Freya Kemp, who was pumped for 13 in her first over, or Lauren Filer, who went for 9) that’s job done; plus Smith also came back to bowl the 19th, conceding only 9 at the death despite the Australians throwing the bat at that stage. All in all, it was a solid return for Smith, so it is safe to say that’s the last match she’ll play for England until the next blue moon.

As in the game at the SCG, the Australian innings was all about Beth Mooney, who finished on 94 not out. Mooney doesn’t hit a lot of boundaries – aside from Ellyse Perry (who played a chunk of her career in the era when 120 was still a good score) her career boundary percentage is the lowest of the Australian top-order at 17%; and today it was even less than that. Mooney hit just 16% of her deliveries to the rope, but still finished with a Strike Rate of 149, meaning she did a lot of running. She’s an incredibly efficient runner too – she can go like lightning at Manuka when she has to, but she can also judge a run perfectly, conserving her energy on the occasions she doesn’t need to go hard.

Australia bubbled along at around 8 an over, reaching 123-3 going into the last 4. Those death overs proved crucial in the 2nd T20 at Manuka, with McGrath and Harris adding 53 runs; but here England kept much better control and the Australians were restricted to just 39*. (Ok… “just” is probably over-egging it, but it was still much better than 53!)

This left England with a target of 162 – the lowest they’ve been asked to chase in the T20 series, and a real opportunity to finally get some points on the board and show the world that they were closer than 10-0.

They blew it.

With no Bouchier, Dunkley moved up to open, and you could see from the first ball how she was going to play – swinging wildly at one outside off. Her next stroke – a textbook drive down the ground – showed that she can play properly, which is what she needed to do at that point in the game, but… then… well… Dunks gonna Dunks, and another cart at Darcie Brown’s first delivery was the end of her renaissance.

The recalled Capsey followed her in, followed her example with one decent shot (a lovely drive though point), and then followed her out, as Beth Mooney added “good ears” to her skillset on the night, hearing a little nick which the umpire had missed, and having her caught on review.

Australia bringing on Annabel Sutherland at that stage seemed like an odd move – pace on the ball was just what Danni Wyatt-Hodge wanted, and she proceeded to strike consecutive 4s to prove the point. But Sutherland then got the chance to bowl a ball at Nat Sciver-Brunt, and it was a good ‘un. “Top of off” seems to be a big thing in cricket at the moment – something coaches and commentators talk a lot about – and Sutherland nailed it, leaving England 3 down and in some trouble.

Nonetheless, Wyatt-Hodge was going well, and Heather Knight continued her solid form from Manuka, and for a moment you wondered if England were going to pull through. Georgia Wareham put an end to that – a careless stroke from Wyatt-Hodge saw her caught in the outfield; and two balls later Amy Jones followed LBW, probably a little too early in her innings to be trying a ramp – a thoroughly irresponsible shot that will have about as much impact on her future selection as Linsey Smith’s success with the ball today will have on hers.

It was all over then – Australia knew it, and England knew it. Heather Knight hit Alana King for the biggest over of the match (15 runs off the 13th) but it didn’t make the slightest bit of difference.

There was one more moment of real brilliance to come, as Georgia Voll taught England how to catch – showing the kind of athleticism you learn surfing on Bondi Beach, stretching out her right paw to take the sort of low diving grab that should only be possible if you are wearing a baseball mitt!

England did squeeze past their lowest ever T20 total of 87… just – bowled out for 90 – 4 runs fewer than Beth Mooney had made all by herself.

In that interview yesterday, we asked Jon Lewis what he was going to say in his team talk before today’s game. He replied that he thought that Grace Harris had done his work for him when she said on TV that Australia wanted to humiliate England, and that he’d give her a pat on the back when he saw her.

Like so much of cricket, it was mind-games from both Harris and Lewis. That’s the nature of the sport – we know all of these players can play. But only one team looks capable of playing out in the middle in front of a crowd at the moment, and it isn’t England. That’s the coach’s responsibility – that’s why he is paid a (rumoured) 6-figure salary. How much longer he’ll be being paid it is for the ECB to decide; and they need to decide very soon.

As the two captains – Heather Knight and Tahlia McGrath – stepped out into the pouring rain to shake hands, Taylor Swift’s ‘Cruel Summer’ rang out over the speakers at Manuka Oval.

I don’t think Heather Knight is a Swiftie (70s rock gods Queen are more her cup of tea) but she might empathise particularly with one line in the bridge of Taylor’s hit tonight:

Said “I’m fine” but it wasn’t true.

England came almost as close as close can be to finally getting some points on the board in this Women’s Ashes. The teams went off the field for rain in the 9th over with England just ahead on DLS, after Sophia Dunkley had swept Alana King for 4. (If they’d gone off one ball prior to that, Australia would have been ahead.)

England v Australia at Manuka

— CRICKETher (@crickether.com) 2025-01-23T08:23:23.526Z

The weather forecast suggested the rain might be locked-in, but it eased and the players returned to the field. With drizzle persisting but not quite turning into downpour, the lead shuffled back and forth until England lost those two crucial wickets in the 13th over. By that stage in the game, wickets don’t do massive damage to the DLS Par Score, but they did enough to put England 10-or-so runs behind which they couldn’t quite make-up.

Australia 185-5 v England 168-4 (T: 175) #Ashes 🏏

— CRICKETher (@crickether.com) 2025-01-23T11:57:19.384Z

Even so, with Australia penalized for their slow over rate by having to bring an extra fielder into the ring in the final over, England clearly felt they could get the 22 runs they needed from the final over, which became 18 off 5 balls when the rain intensified and the players left the field for the final time. In the press conference afterwards, Knight said it was “the right decision” but she clearly was not “fine” about it at the time, making her feelings clear to any TV viewers with the ability to lipread a smattering of Anglo-Saxon.

Australia 185-5 v England #Ashes 🏏

— CRICKETher (@crickether.com) 2025-01-23T09:48:57.039Z

England’s real problem though wasn’t the weather – it was their lack of death bowling, as they let slip a decent position, conceding 53 runs off the last 4 overs as Grace Harris and Tahlia McGrath ran riot. Australia had been heading for around 160; so to actually post 25 more than that was the real death-blow to England – if they had been kept to 160, England would have won the game outright, with an over-and-a-half to spare, before the rain came.

The result of course means that Australia have now won the Ashes outright, as opposed to having merely “retained” them. That was their initial goal going into the series, so they’ll be happy about that. One of the Cricket Australia staff I spoke to expressed disappointment that it “wasn’t how we wanted to win it”; though whether they’d have felt the same if the trophy hadn’t already been secured, I’m not so sure! Their goal now will be a whitewash; England will still be trying to save a little face by getting something from the final two games.

I’d definitely expect a couple of changes now for the final T20 in Adelaide. Lauren Bell, who left the field today after feeling unwell, will surely be rested; and given that the Ashes are a now distant speck in England’s rear-view mirror, flogging Nat Sciver-Brunt and Sophie Ecclestone in a meaningless T20 ahead of the Test feels a tad pointless, to say the least. What matters now for the game as a whole is that we get an entertaining and… dare I say it… inspiring Test match next week at the MCG.

To be fair to England, they gave it a shot – Sophia Dunkley came back into the side and played like I’ve never seen her play before, blowing doors open with 59 off just 30 balls – but it wasn’t enough as Australia retained the Ashes at the first opportunity, taking an effectively-unassailable 8-0 lead in the series, which they only need to draw to keep the trophy.

Australia 198-7 v England 141 #Ashes 🏏

— CRICKETher (@crickether.com) 2025-01-20T11:31:19.762Z

A night which ended with Australia reaching for the moon, began with their captain Alyssa Healy reaching for the moon-boot after a flare-up of the foot injury that kept her out of the T20 World Cup semi-final defeat back in October. The Australian camp will deny it, but there is an argument that they are a stronger side without Healy – there isn’t much to choose between Healy and Beth Mooney keeping wicket, and Georgia Voll opening the batting looks like the player Healy used to be in her prime.

Voll gave Australia an explosive start in the powerplay, whacking a fearless 21 off 11 balls. Given a life as Lauren Bell made a total Horlicks of a straightforward catching opportunity, she simply smacked the next ball for another 4. One facet of this Australian team under Shelley Nitschke is that everyone is very clear about their role, and Voll’s is to go as hard as possible; so although she didn’t last long, she did her job on the night, putting England on the back foot right from the get-go.

Beth Mooney’s role on the other hand is to go deep. Taking her innings all the way into the 18th over today, she faced 50 deliveries and made them count for 75 runs; but the key was letting others play around her. Phoebe Litchfield wasn’t quite hitting her marks, despite one remarkable switch-hit 6, but she still kept the field busy with her disruptive strokeplay – which Beth Mooney admitted post-match had been a deliberate strategy to unsettle England’s fielding. England made error after error, including a mix-up between Nat Sciver-Brunt and Charlie Dean which could have got rid of Mooney when she was on a run-a-ball 23; and there was also a caught behind/ stumped opportunity around the same time which Amy Jones couldn’t snaffle.

Heather Knight said post-match: “If we’d conceded less we’d have been in with a real chance.” Given that Australia finished 7 down with not a lot of batting to come, getting rid of Mooney for 50 fewer runs would have made a real difference.

As it was, Mooney pushed on, as Australia upped the run rate in the middle overs, scoring at over 10 runs per over through both middle phases. Tahlia McGrath produced a brilliant cameo, just when Australia looked like they might be starting to dry-up – scoring off every single one of the 8 balls she faced before she was bowled by Sophie Ecclestone, including four 4s and a 6.

Australia 198-7 v England 141 #Ashes 🏏

— CRICKETher (@crickether.com) 2025-01-20T11:31:45.399Z

In a sense, it could have been even worse for England if Georgia Wareham had been able to recreate the innings she played in Hobart, where she made 38 off 12 balls – instead “only” grabbing 11 off 10, to leave England requiring 199.

Within two overs of their reply, England were in deep trouble, losing both their openers to ducks – Maia Bouchier slog-sweeping to a quite deliberately placed Georgia Wareham at deep square, and Danni Wyatt apparently trying to run Kim Garth down through the vacant slip area which… turned out not to be vacant at all, but occupied by Phoebe Litchfield. (I know Litchfield is small… but she’s not that small!)

The game looked to be over at that point, but Dunkley’s daring innings gave England a slither of hope – at 10 overs they were ahead of where Australia had been, and with only 3 wickets down it felt like something extraordinary might be about to happen; but within another two overs both Dunkley and Knight had departed and the game was up – the Ashes were gone.

England were predictably insisting to the media in their post-match interviews that they could still save some pride by drawing the series, and it is the one thing that might yet save Jon Lewis’s job. But it feels like an Australian whitewash is now the most likely outcome, and even if England can salvage some or all of the remaining points it shouldn’t change the fact that they have gone backwards in the last two years under the current leadership. They are bullies who can whop the small teams, but as soon as they come up against the big guns they collapse in a heap. They are a squad set up to win these big run chases, but when push comes to shove they can’t even actually do that – even when Jon-Ball works, it doesn’t work. It’s time for the management to pay the price for that.

This week:

• England whitewashed in the Ashes ODIs
• What can England change in the T20s?
• Aimee Maguire let down by coaches

The ground formerly known as the Bellerive Oval is now officially named the Ninja Stadium – so-called sadly not after the legendary Japanese assassins, but a brand of air-fryer – making it the only cricket ground in the world to be named after a kitchen appliance. And it was England who got air-fried today by an Australian performance that was just too good.

England were in the game with Australia at 59-4 in their knock; and question marks of one kind or another over all their remaining batters – Beth Mooney, Tahlia McGrath and Ash Gardner. The ruthless Australian press have been calling for one of Mooney or McGrath to make way for the young, exciting Georgia Voll, and whilst her bowling definitely keeps her in the XI, Gardner’s batting numbers have been less than stellar of late – though she did post a career-best 74 in the recent series versus New Zealand.

But all three came good, before an incredible cameo from Georgia Wareham put the game beyond England. Mooney and McGrath made half-centuries whilst Gardner completed her first ever international hundred. 59-4 became 257-6, and eventually 308-8, as Wareham plundered 38 off just 12 balls – a Strike Rate of 316 – the kind of number only usually seen when someone only faces a couple of deliveries.

All-told, Australia added 104 runs in their last 10 overs; and suddenly… having been on course for 250… they were over 300. England didn’t bowl badly in that death phase – Lauren Bell and Sophie Ecclestone did very little wrong – but the Australians were seeing the ball like a beach-ball by that stage. They took risks, and not every one came off – Gardner and McGrath were both dismissed going for big shots – but enough did to get them to that 300.

It is the magic number in women’s ODIs – 300 has been successfully chased in women’s ODIs just once, by Sri Lanka, who overhauled 302 against South Africa last year. So it was always going to be a near-impossible proposition for England here, with big boundaries and a slow outfield making it tough to get over the rope either aerially or along the floor.

There is no text-book or manual to tell you how to chase 300; but Sri Lanka’s approach (or rather, Chamari Athapaththu’s approach, as it was she that scored the vast majority of the runs) was probably the only way – to keep up with the rate from the start. But against the discipline of Australia’s bowling, that was never going to be easy. England kept ahead of the worm, so that at 25 overs they were 122-3 where Australia had been 115-4; but at no point was England’s overall run rate ahead of the required rate, meaning that the only route to victory lay in emulating Australia’s massive finish, but with all the added pressure of chasing.

It didn’t happen, but it was never going to. Tammy Beaumont and Nat Sciver-Brunt accumulated well, both passing 50; but it would have taken one of the greatest innings of all time to turn the tide of this game, and that wasn’t to be. By the time Danni Wyatt-Hodge and Amy Jones reached the crease, the required rate was starting to go vertical – they needed to force the pace, but inevitably that meant wickets started to fall, and some special catching from Australia put the boot in. Phoebe Litchfield took the catch of the summer, pedaling backwards; then Kim Garth said ‘Hold my beer’ and took an even better one diving forwards; before Ash Gardner finally said ‘Hold both beers’ with a relay-catch to herself on the rope.

Could England have done anything differently? Not today, no – unlike the 2nd ODI, this was not a match they could have won. As Journey didn’t quite say: “Some you win; some you lose because you played badly… and some you lose because you’ve been run over by a freight train.”

So now we move on to the T20s, with England 6-0 down. Assuming we don’t get rained-on, England need to win every remaining game – all 3 T20s plus the Test – to win back the Ashes. Heather Knight made the point in her press conference that England were 6-0 down last time, and came back; though of course they didn’t actually win in 2023 either – just tied the points series, meaning Australia retained the trophy.

There are a couple of fresh faces we could see in the T20s – the batting will obviously be re-jigged with Danni Wyatt-Hodge moved up to the top of the order, opening up a slot for Dani Gibson (or possibly Freya Kemp?) to come in at 7, and we could see Sarah Glenn brought in to give Lauren Filer a rest. (England would doubtless ideally like to rest Bell too, but Heather Knight strongly implied in the post-match press conference that she will play – she has been too good to leave on the bench.) Gibson and Glenn do obviously both bring something different, but is it enough to arrest the momentum of the rampant Australians?

As tall-orders go, it feels like a hundred storeys. But if they do it, it will be the stuff of stories.