The Greek philosopher Aristotle once said that “Hope is a waking dream” and so it proved for England, as their Ashes hopes were raised by a brilliant bowling performance, before being dashed once again with the realisation that when it comes to batting, England Gonna England.

Australia 180 v England #Ashes 🏏

— CRICKETher (@crickether.com) 2025-01-14T02:22:08.930Z

The Junction Oval, in Melbourne’s beautiful bohemian beach-side suburb of St Kilda, has been a bit of a first innings graveyard of late. Since New Zealand struck 231-8 here in March 2019, no side has made it to 50 overs in the 4 subsequent completed ODIs; yet Australia looked well set to tally-up a decent total at 131-2 nearing the half-way mark.

Then Sophie Ecclestone removed Beth Mooney in the 23rd over; and that seemed to prompt Heather Knight to make a game-changing decision – bringing Alice Capsey on to bowl for the first time in the series, in the 24th over.

Capsey has been in pretty woeful nick with the bat, but she had a decent WBBL with the ball, taking 13 wickets in the 8 games she played before jetting off to South Africa with England – could she bring something here? The answer soon looked clear, as she dropped new batter Sutherland off her first delivery. Sutherland then added insult to injury by smashing Capsey back over her head for six off the final ball of the over.

It must have been touch and go whether Capsey would get another over, but Knight tossed her the ball once more, and this time Capsey got her revenge. Sutherland came down the pitch; Capsey adjusted and pushed it wide, looking for the stumping. Knowing she was gone if the ball went past her, Sutherland stretched for the shot and mistimed it straight to Knight at cover.

Another Capsey over followed, and another wicket – that of Ellyse Perry, given out LBW on review after the umpire initially shook her head. Perry had been looking in dangerous form – she was on 60, with a hundred beckoning – but Capsey had a ball with her name on it, and she was back in the pavillion with Australia starting to wobble on 149-5; which became 150-6 as… who else… Alice Capsey bowled Ash Gardner for just 2.

England were up and running in this Ashes as Sophie Ecclestone took another couple to bowl Australia out for just 180 – their lowest 1st innings total in a 50-over game in the professional era. If England couldn’t win this one, you had to ask, when could they win?

Australia v England 2nd ODI

— CRICKETher (@crickether.com) 2025-01-13T23:08:45.751Z

Reader… they did not win.

It’s not unknown for England to shoot themselves in the foot, but this time they shot themselves full in the face – batting so slowly that they wouldn’t have won the match even if they’d had another 10 wickets in hand.

Australia tried their best to make it an even contest at the end. Annabel Sutherland, bowling the 48th over, dropped Amy Jones, then gifted her two head-height no-balls, meaning she had to be removed from the attack leaving Tahlia McGrath to bowl the final ball of the over. Having declined the opportunity of a run off the first free hit to protect No. 11 Lauren Bell, Jones scooped the second free hit to deep square and yet again declined the run, apparently having forgotten it was the final ball of the over. This left Bell to face Megan Schutt from the other end, who promptly bowled her to finish the game with England 22 runs short of victory.

The blame shouldn’t lie entirely with Amy Jones, but it does feel like she got it into her head that all England needed to do was bat it out, and they’d win the game, and was then totally unable to shift that mindset when it stopped being true. It is all very well declining single after single to protect your two No. 11s (yes… this England side goes up to 11 twice, with Laurens Bell and Filer in the lineup!) but once you get to the point where you need 6 an over, you can’t really afford to do that any more because it is going to leave you short even if you make it to 50 overs.

Some credit must go to Alana King who bowled with brilliant aggression; but even with King, England were the architects of their own downfall. Danni Wyatt presumably thought she’d picked a wrong-un from King, and had to watch in horror as a conventional leg-break spun back onto her off stump; whilst Charlie Dean decided this was the time to try an audacious ramp – brilliantly anticipated by Beth Mooney, who left her position at slip to get herself behind the keeper (as she is entitled to do in response to the stroke that the batter’s movements suggest she intends to play) to make the catch.

And so all that good work done by England’s bowlers was undone by yet another half-cut performance with the bat. An Ashes series which could have been levelled 2-2 is now 4-0 to Australia, with just a couple of days before we go again for the 3rd ODI in Hobart. England could make changes – Sophia Dunkley and Dani Gibson both travelled to Melbourne, so will presumably be available in Tasmania, and Kate Cross apparently isn’t totally ruled out of the last ODI; but it feels like we are very-much in “moving deckchairs on the Titanic” territory here.

Aristotle once also said: “Excellence is never an accident.” It isn’t. And nor is mediocrity.