The ground formerly known as the Bellerive Oval is now officially named the Ninja Stadium – so-called sadly not after the legendary Japanese assassins, but a brand of air-fryer – making it the only cricket ground in the world to be named after a kitchen appliance. And it was England who got air-fried today by an Australian performance that was just too good.

Australia 308-8 v England 222 #Ashes 🏏

— CRICKETher (@crickether.com) 2025-01-17T05:50:47.732Z

England were in the game with Australia at 59-4 in their knock; and question marks of one kind or another over all their remaining batters – Beth Mooney, Tahlia McGrath and Ash Gardner. The ruthless Australian press have been calling for one of Mooney or McGrath to make way for the young, exciting Georgia Voll, and whilst her bowling definitely keeps her in the XI, Gardner’s batting numbers have been less than stellar of late – though she did post a career-best 74 in the recent series versus New Zealand.

But all three came good, before an incredible cameo from Georgia Wareham put the game beyond England. Mooney and McGrath made half-centuries whilst Gardner completed her first ever international hundred. 59-4 became 257-6, and eventually 308-8, as Wareham plundered 38 off just 12 balls – a Strike Rate of 316 – the kind of number only usually seen when someone only faces a couple of deliveries.

Australia 308-8 v England 222 #Ashes 🏏

— CRICKETher (@crickether.com) 2025-01-17T05:50:13.008Z

All-told, Australia added 104 runs in their last 10 overs; and suddenly… having been on course for 250… they were over 300. England didn’t bowl badly in that death phase – Lauren Bell and Sophie Ecclestone did very little wrong – but the Australians were seeing the ball like a beach-ball by that stage. They took risks, and not every one came off – Gardner and McGrath were both dismissed going for big shots – but enough did to get them to that 300.

It is the magic number in women’s ODIs – 300 has been successfully chased in women’s ODIs just once, by Sri Lanka, who overhauled 302 against South Africa last year. So it was always going to be a near-impossible proposition for England here, with big boundaries and a slow outfield making it tough to get over the rope either aerially or along the floor.

There is no text-book or manual to tell you how to chase 300; but Sri Lanka’s approach (or rather, Chamari Athapaththu’s approach, as it was she that scored the vast majority of the runs) was probably the only way – to keep up with the rate from the start. But against the discipline of Australia’s bowling, that was never going to be easy. England kept ahead of the worm, so that at 25 overs they were 122-3 where Australia had been 115-4; but at no point was England’s overall run rate ahead of the required rate, meaning that the only route to victory lay in emulating Australia’s massive finish, but with all the added pressure of chasing.

Australia 308-8 v England 222 #Ashes 🏏

— CRICKETher (@crickether.com) 2025-01-17T05:51:42.819Z

It didn’t happen, but it was never going to. Tammy Beaumont and Nat Sciver-Brunt accumulated well, both passing 50; but it would have taken one of the greatest innings of all time to turn the tide of this game, and that wasn’t to be. By the time Danni Wyatt-Hodge and Amy Jones reached the crease, the required rate was starting to go vertical – they needed to force the pace, but inevitably that meant wickets started to fall, and some special catching from Australia put the boot in. Phoebe Litchfield took the catch of the summer, pedaling backwards; then Kim Garth said ‘Hold my beer’ and took an even better one diving forwards; before Ash Gardner finally said ‘Hold both beers’ with a relay-catch to herself on the rope.

Could England have done anything differently? Not today, no – unlike the 2nd ODI, this was not a match they could have won. As Journey didn’t quite say: “Some you win; some you lose because you played badly… and some you lose because you’ve been run over by a freight train.”

So now we move on to the T20s, with England 6-0 down. Assuming we don’t get rained-on, England need to win every remaining game – all 3 T20s plus the Test – to win back the Ashes. Heather Knight made the point in her press conference that England were 6-0 down last time, and came back; though of course they didn’t actually win in 2023 either – just tied the points series, meaning Australia retained the trophy.

There are a couple of fresh faces we could see in the T20s – the batting will obviously be re-jigged with Danni Wyatt-Hodge moved up to the top of the order, opening up a slot for Dani Gibson (or possibly Freya Kemp?) to come in at 7, and we could see Sarah Glenn brought in to give Lauren Filer a rest. (England would doubtless ideally like to rest Bell too, but Heather Knight strongly implied in the post-match press conference that she will play – she has been too good to leave on the bench.) Gibson and Glenn do obviously both bring something different, but is it enough to arrest the momentum of the rampant Australians?

As tall-orders go, it feels like a hundred storeys. But if they do it, it will be the stuff of stories.