APRIL 1ST EXCLUSIVE

With the cricket season under threat due to the coronavirus, news has emerged of a proposal to play the Women’s Hundred at night, after research carried out in Australia indicated that COVID-19 can’t be transmitted after sunset because the virus is scared of the dark.

Night Cricket (Photo: Don Miles)

Dr April Fulio, Dean of Topical Diseases at the Sydney University of Medicine, told CRICKETher:

“We noticed that viral content on social media is much more active during the day than it is at night, so we extrapolated from that using what scientists call ‘multi-level post-rationalisation’. This allowed us to base our conclusions almost entirely upon the unsubstantiated conjecture that the virus is essentially scared of the dark.”

Suggestions to play the Men’s Hundred behind closed doors, in a so-called ‘sterile environment’, have already been put on the table; but the additional financial constraints on the women’s competition called for a more innovative solution.

Dr Fulio explained:

“The matches would have to be played in total darkness, which rules out using floodlights, but instead we are examining the possibility of playing with a luminous pink Incrediball to assist visibility.”

“Fans will be able to watch the action live-streamed on Instagram, using a “Predator” style filter which simulates military thermal imaging technology, in another innovative first for the women’s game!”

THIS ARTICLE IS A PARODY

Stay Home, Protect the NHS, Save Lives